Why you must know what matrescence is

Why you must know what matrescence is

Exercise 5 - Talk

I felt a shift in myself both times after I had my first two babies. It was like I was going through some sort of transition and transformation – both of which I was desperately trying to resist.

I liked myself, I liked my life, I didn’t want to change. I just wanted to be the old me, but with a baby (or two).

I carried on mothering, but I was not content. I was a little lost, and a little confused about what had happened to me. But I carried on – because I am a mother and that’s what we do.

You can’t outrun the motherhood transition.
My third baby, however, pulled the rug out from under me. Well, not literally of course, because obviously she was a baby! But when she came along, the changes in me where profound. Again, I tried to resist them, but this time I couldn’t stick my head in the sand.

The developmental transition was too great!

So, I ended up in a long battle with probably postnatal anxiety / postpartum anxiety (I say “probably” because I was never officially diagnosed). Until I realised, try as you might, you can’t outrun the transition and transformation of motherhood.

And that transition has a name: Matrescence

Every woman goes through the transition of matrescence when she becomes a mother.

Including Laura, who sent me this question for Q&A Wednesday:

I had my baby 6 months ago. She’s gorgeous and I love her. Motherhood is tough but she makes it worthwhile. I knew that things change when you have a baby, but I didn’t realise how much I would change. I’m not depressed, I just find myself missing my old life, not so much one without my baby, but I miss the old me. I feel embarrassed to talk about it because I really do love my daughter very much, and I don’t want people to think I am ungrateful. I just want the internal feeling of  pre-baby me back.

– Laura

 

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

  • What is matrescence? Podcast [2.42], TV [2.12]

Matrescence is a word that not many people have heard of, but every parent must know. Because every mother goes through matrescence. 

Matrescence is the transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother – physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, spiritually…

  • What happens during matrescence – why do we not know about matrescence? Podcast [3.30], TV [3.00]

We don’t know about matrescence until it happens to us, because we don’t talk about it.

But we must. We must talk about it, especially to all pregnant women.

We are changed after having a baby – women are literally transformed after childbirth.

 

  • Is it normal to wonder what is going on with you after you’ve had a baby? Podcast [3.42], TV [3.12]

    Laura is not alone in feeling lost in motherhood. It is common to feel you have lost your identity.

    We ask ourselves who am I?

    Where did I go?

    Is this it?

 

  • Why we must focus on the mother after childbirth Podcast [5.18], TV [4.48]

The transition of matrescence is so phenomenal. Yet, after childbirth the focus shifts from the woman to the baby. Right when the mother needs the most support…

When a baby is born, so is a mother!

  • Find yourself in matrescence – How to use matrescence as a catalyst to create an amazing motherhood life for yourself

    We must be prepared for this personal transformation. We must create a plan, specific to us, for matrescence. Just like we do a birth plan. Because like birth, the postnatal period is a time of tremendous change.

 

Hit play below to hear the full episode.

 

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

How could these potentially change your motherhood experience and life?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it! Many mums come here to find support, and your experience or story may help one of them.

Who is one person that would benefit from watching this episode? – Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article 😉

 

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

And YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

What is Q&A Wednesday

I love that I get a lot of questions from mums  and dads through email or on social media. Not only because I love answering them, but also because I love to support you and know what it is you would like to know.

In my experience a question that is asked by one mum is usually also a query by another mum. Which is why I created Q&A Wednesday – to share the answers (and you remain anonymous).

If you have any questions please comment below, or EMAIL ME.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all the motherhood support at our village.

Links mentioned in the episode

Our wonderful Tough Mothers Facebook group
https://www.facebook.com/TheMotherMentor

Dana Raphael – The Tender Gift : Breastfeeding
https://www.amazon.com/Tender-Gift-Breastfeeding-Dana-Raphael/dp/B004X3VEE6

Tough Mothers courses
https://www.ToughMothers.com/courses

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

How to nourish yourself after having your baby

How to nourish yourself after having your baby

Photo of Rebecca Anderson

“We live in a society where our self-worth has become defined by what we look like”

Hands up if you want lose baby weight?
Or any weight for that matter?
Most mothers focus on bouncing back to their pre-baby weight or figure, at some stage after they have had a baby. But is this the right approach?

Internationally-recognised dietitian Rachael Wilson joins me in this episode to talk about how our bodies change when we have a baby, how we can learn to embrace our new figures, and how we should nourish ourselves to achieve optimum physical and mental health, not just to lose baby weight, but for a healthy motherhood life.

Rachael believes that we should throw out all the scales and measuring units, and instead focus on nourishing ourselves in a kind way – which leads to far better results.

How do you do this?

Rachael shares with us her tips to achieve this, and create a whole new, far better, relationship with our post-baby body.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

  • ✓ How to nourish yourself in a kind and caring way
  • ✓ The importance of self-compassion and accepting your new body
  • ✓ Why real health comes from the inside and how to access it
  • ✓ Intuitive and mindful eating for your own individual genetic makeup

 

The important take-aways from this episode are:

Statistics show 8 out 10 women feel bad about their bodies

  • You’ve carried a child, you’ve created a life! Your body will change  Podcast [5.30], TV [5.00]

This is a major part of matrescence and the transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother.

Matrescence – the transition from woman to mother – is one of the most life-changing transitions a woman will ever go through. We are changed – physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

  • We must let go of the perception of being the perfect mother and having the perfect body. It is not real!  Podcast [7.10], TV [6.40]

In this day and age when we don’t have a village to support us like we used to. We try to do it all, and it is just not possible to do everything “perfectly”.

“Children need to see us being imperfect, because life isn’t perfect”

  • Rachael’s tips for nourishing yourself after having your baby  Podcast [8.50], TV [8.20]
  • Acknowledge the change is normal
  • Self-acceptance
  • Mindful self-compassion (check out Rachael’s guided mindful body self-compassion audio practice in the Mentions In This Episode at the bottom of this article)
  • Studies have shown DIETING DOES NOT WORK!  Podcast [10.55], TV [10.25]

Find out what you must do instead to have positive outcomes for our physical and mental wellbeing.

“There is so much focus on getting our bodies “back”, there should also be more focus on the mind during the postpartum period”

  • We need to re-train our brain to achieve optimum physical and mental health Podcast [13.26], TV [12.56]

TIP: Don’t focus on the negative, but ask yourself: what can I do for myself in this moment to make myself feel better.

  • Gratitude is important in rewiring our brain, to lead to more fulfillment Podcast [18.40], TV [18.10]

It is also important to change our thinking around situations. Instead of saying ‘I look fat in my bathing suit’, saying ‘I give myself and my body the gift of swimming in the sea’ has a much more beneficial effect on our brain.

Start rewiring your brain
Exercise: List 3 things you are grateful for about your body

  • Research shows, it is our health behaviours that make us healthy, not the numbers on the scales Podcast [23.40], TV [23.10]

Do you have the right behaviours that are healthy for you?

  • In motherhood, preparation is key for when hunger suddenly shows up Podcast [30.20], TV [29.50]

Rachael is kindly giving us access to her E-Book to help mums with this, for FREE. You can download it in Mentions In This Episode at the bottom of this article. Did I mention she is us giving to us for FREE? smile

I loved this interview with Rachael!
Her unique way to lose baby weight, no matter how long since you have had your baby, will no doubt benefit many mothers.

Let me know in the comments what you think. And if you have tried it, let me know how it worked for you.
It certainly made me re-evaluate my eating behaviours.

My KEY TAKEAWAY (no pun intended) FROM THIS EPISODE:
We must be kind and compassionate to ourselves – when we are kind to ourselves, our relationship with our bodies, and subsequently with food, is much better.

 

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

How could these potentially change your motherhood experience and life?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it! Many mums come here to find support, and your experience or story may help one of them.

Who is one person that would benefit from watching this episode? – Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article 😉

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

And YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all the motherhood support at our village.

Mentions In This Episode

The photoshopped baby

Even babies are photoshopped these days!
Image supplied by Rachael Wilson

Photos of real post-baby bodies
https://www.jadebeall.com/index/

The Food Tree (be sure to also check out their awesome programs!)
https://www.thefoodtree.co

Download Rachael’s Gentle Nutrition For Mums E-Book FREE 
https://www.thefoodtree.co/gentle nutrition

Rachael’s wonderful guided mindfulness body self-compassion audio practice. It’s only 14 minutes long and totally worth the listen. Access it HERE.

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

 

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox before they are released?

How Tough Mothers came out of my own postnatal / postpartum breakdown

How Tough Mothers came out of my own postnatal / postpartum breakdown

Photo of Rebecca Anderson

“I didn’t realise that out of my crisis the greatest gift would come”

I was lying on the couch wrapped in blankets. It was December in Australia, so it was hot! Yet I was shivering; my anxiety had total control of me.

My third baby was only a couple of months old, and unlike with my first two, the transition into motherhood pulled the rug out from under me. Literally.

I never intended to become a matrescence (the transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother) and motherhood specialist. However, after I recovered from my postnatal / postpartum breakdown, I knew:

“If my strategy could help me, it could help other mothers”

And it has.

Tough Mothers and its courses were created to help mothers who, during matrescence, feel like the rug has been pulled out from under them.

Matrescence – the transition from woman to mother – is one of the most life-changing transitions a woman will ever go through.
We are changed – physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

We are literally transformed. And we can use these changes, with some simple strategies, to create the life we desire, and become the woman (and mother) we have always wanted to be.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

  • ✓ How gifts come out of struggles. Even when we think the struggle is a curse.
  • ✓ The importance of learning about ourselves and our own brain
  • ✓ How you can help yourself in motherhood

“The brain controls everything. We must be in charge of our brain and mind. Otherwise life will run off on us”

 

The important take-aways from this episode are:

  • Birth does not always go to plan  Podcast [5.20], TV [4.50]

It is important to have an ideal birth plan. However, it is more important to be flexible, as childbirth rarely goes to plan.

  • You don’t know when the motherhood transition will knock you off your feet  Podcast [13.32], TV [13.02]

You can experience psychological challenges that come with motherhood at any stage in motherhood – it could be with your first baby or it could be with your last (like it was with me).

The manifestation of the transition into motherhood is probably different; but the transition is the same for every mother

  • You must have tools going into motherhood Podcast [16.40], TV [16.10]

The intricacies of the tools each mother must take into, and through, matrescence with her are individual. However, the tools themselves are the same.
These include:

  • Meditation
  • Mindfulness
  • Exercise
  • Nutrition
  • A good support network
  • Sound knowledge of your brain and mind – and tools of how to influence them. The Tough Mothers courses can help you with this 
  • Work with an expert who can help you delve deep into your neuroscience and psychology, so you gain insight into yourself
  • If you are stuck in life, you must look elsewhere for solutions.  Podcast [23.13], TV [22.43]

You must open your mind to new ideas and possibilities.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results” – Anon

  • The importance of inner work and mindfulness in our life Podcast [25.30], TV [25.00]

The key to inner peace is inner work. There is no shortcut or hack. The quicker we find our direction to what we need to do to become the person we want to be, the sooner we will feel contentment.

  • Meditation – why we all should meditate every day Podcast [25.30], TV [25.00]

The scientific evidence behind the benefits of meditation are phenomenal. As a parent having a calm mind is imperative for a calm motherhood life. But it doesn’t just lead to calm, meditation also changes the brain for the better.

I have tried several forms of meditation but found Vedic meditation to be the best for my life because it is quick, effortless and noticeably transformative. Learn about the course I did HERE.

  • As a mother you have to prioritise yourself – you have to be at the top of your pyramid Podcast [25.30], TV [25.00]

“If you imagine a champagne glass tower, where champagne glasses are stacked on top of each other. If the top glass (you!) isn’t full of champagne, nothing can trickle into the other glasses beneath it (your kids, your family, the rest of your life etc).”

  • Because matrescence changes us, and our brain, we need to have a plan for ourselves during matrescence. Podcast [33.20], TV [32.50]

This plan must consist of tools and strategies specifically to the individual mother.

“Tough Mothers came about because I realised that we are sent into this massive life-changing transition of matrescence without a plan. And we really need a plan for ourselves in motherhood.”

  • The tools and strategies we choose for ourselves rewire our brain Podcast [37.50], TV [37.20]

Our brains are individually shaped and wired due to our experiences and our actions – in the present and in the past. Tough Mothers takes your unique make up (your ingredients in your pantry) and helps you create an individual recipe just for you to bake your perfect cake, i.e. create the life you want to live.

“You must not lose yourself in motherhood – you have to make yourself comfortable in your new role.”

In future episodes, Marcus and I will be delving into the practical tools and strategies you can use, so be sure to listen and watch upcoming episodes. Or even better, REGISTER TODAY to receive each new episode straight into your inbox

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

How could these potentially change your motherhood experience and life?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it! Many mums come here to find support, and your experience or story may help one of them.

Who is one person that would benefit from watching this episode? – Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article 😉

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

And YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all the motherhood support at our village.

Mentions in this episode

The book: I Wish Someone Had Told Me… – unspoken truths about what really happens to women during labour, childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood
https://www.ToughMothers.com/books

Faster Deeper Bliss – 21 day meditation course with Tom Cronin
https://www.ToughMothers.com/meditation

Tough Mothers Courses
https://www.ToughMothers.com/courses

Thich Nhat Hanh – Living Without Stress and Fear CD set
https://www.plumvillage.org/about/thich-nhat-hanh

Champagne glass tower image courtesy of A Beautiful Mess
https://abeautifulmess.com/how-to-build-a-champagne-tower/ 

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

 

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox before they are released?