Episode #27: Alcohol, Motherhood and You – with Sarah Rusbatch

Episode #27: Alcohol, Motherhood and You – with Sarah Rusbatch

Motherhood fears and how to overcome them – with Belinda Hughes

For information, tips and support on your journey through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram  or join our FREE Tough Mothers Village

Talking about not drinking alcohol is quite taboo. But Grey-Area Drinking Coach Sarah Rusbatch and I dared to go there in this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast. We want you to know why alcohol is making you unhappy and anxious, how you can find your true self by putting down the bottle, and why mummy wine culture is so very damaging.
Don’t think this is a You-MUST-Stop-Drinking-Now episode. It is not! We merely share Sarah’s knowledge and our individual experiences with ditching booze, and how it has affected us and our mothering.
Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast:
♥    Taking a break from alcohol can be beneficial in more ways than one

♥    Alcohol does not make motherhood easier

♥    Your kids are affected by your drinking, even if you don’t realise it

♥    Choosing to ditch the drink will change your life

HEAR THE FULL EPISODE Click on your favourite podcast app below
WATCH THE FULL EPISODE By clicking the play button below
Motherhood fears and how to overcome them – with Belinda Hughes
In this episode you will learn: 

[Timestamps]

[5.55] Many women’s drinking changes when they become mothers – alcohol becomes a reward in motherhood.

[7.15] Is alcohol self-care for mothers?

[8.00] Are you making rules around your drinking?

[9.45] Anxiety, alcohol and motherhood.

[12.50] The benefits of taking a break from drinking

[17.48] How not drinking improves your relationship with your kids

[20.00] What is a Grey-Area Drinker?

[22.10] You can have an addiction to alcohol and not be an “alcoholic”.

[23.00] How your brain changes when you drink alcohol

[25.00] Why drinking two or three times a week stops you from being your best

[26.32] Allowing yourself to face emotions without alcohol, helps you deal with them and makes you more resilient.

[30.40] How not drinking affects your kids

[33.45] The danger of mummy wine culture

[37.30] Sarah’s tips if you are worried about your drinking or are sober curious

MENTIONS, MORE INFO and SUPPORT
Download Sarah’s free guide to taking a break from alcohol

See Sarah’s top resources for changing your relationship with alcohol at www.sarahrusbatch.com

The book Sarah mentioned: The Wine O’clock Myth by Lotta Dann

Learn how you can truly thrive during motherhood with our TOUGH MOTHERS COURSES

A little more about my guest Sarah Rusbatch:

Sarah Rusbatch is a certified Women’s Health and Wellbeing Coach, an accredited Grey Area Drinking Coach and a keynote speaker sharing her journey to sobriety with audiences around the globe. She is also the face behind Perth’s growing Alcohol-Free Movement.

After developing what she describes as a ‘dysfunctional relationship with alcohol’, Sarah made the decision to remove alcohol from her life in early 2019 and has never looked back. She now works with women across the globe guiding them from feeling lost, stuck and out of control (something she fully understands herself), to a healthier and happier way of living. She is also the host of a thriving, global online community (The Women’s Wellbeing Collective) which offers a safe space where women feel seen and understood.

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Episode #26: 3 Ways to Create More Mental Space in Motherhood

Episode #26: 3 Ways to Create More Mental Space in Motherhood

Motherhood fears and how to overcome them – with Belinda Hughes

For information, tips and support on your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram  or join our FREE Tough Mothers Village

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space, your mental space, lies your power to choose your response, and your response will determine how you feel and how you view the world.

As mothers we are often in knee-jerk mode*. In this state, when a stimulus comes our way, we do not have the mental space to choose our best response.

It is, therefore, imperative to elongate our mental space, so we can consciously and deliberately choose a response that serves us and our children, and help us create a fulfilled life.

This episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast details what mental space is, why you must elongate yours to thrive in motherhood, and three ways you can create more mental space today.

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast:

♥    Make motherhood easier by learning how to consciously choose our responses.

♥    Knee-jerking your way through motherhood will make you unhappy.

♥    You can train your brain and mind to create more mental space and thrive.

* Tune in to the episode to find out what a knee-jerk reaction is.

HEAR THE FULL EPISODE
Click on your favourite podcast app below

WATCH THE FULL EPISODE
By clicking the play button below

Motherhood fears and how to overcome them – with Belinda Hughes
In this episode you will learn: 

[Timestamps]

[3.45] What is mental space?

[5.00] How motherhood is like a game of whack-a-mole.

[7.57] Motherhood trains our brain and mind to have a short mental space.

[11.00] What drives our knee-jerk reaction?

[13.55] Everything is a stimulus!

[15.30] Be happy in motherhood by elongating your mental space

[17.15] How to train your brain and mind to elongate your mental space

[20.15] The importance of deliberately choosing our response to every stimulus

MENTIONS, MORE INFO and SUPPORT

START CREATING MORE MENTAL SPACE TODAY Download your FREE MORNING MAMA MEDITATION

Your simple 5-minute guided meditation that will help you create calm, joy and fulfilment in your mind, and train your brain to elongate your mental space.

 

WORK WITH ME to elongate your mental space in motherhood and thrive without even thinking about it.

We have TOUGH MOTHERS COURSES and WORKSHOPS to suit everyone

We implement a three-step framework to:
1) Help you understand how becoming a mother changes you, your brain and your mind
2) Show you how you can use these changes to create more mental space, to truly thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach you simple, science-based exercises you can easily modify to your unique self (and to fit into your busy day) to create more mental space, feel more fulfilled and be a truly happy mother.

WHO IS ONE PERSON THAT NEEDS TO HEAR THIS EPISODE?

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Check out the Tough Mothers Library for more episodes

You are not alone!

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PLEASE HELP ME KEEP THIS PODCAST FREE!

To help me keep this podcast FREE, please subscribe to Tough Mothers on YouTube, and subscribe rate and review The Tough Mothers Podcast on your favourite podcast app.

Mental Health Support

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you need support, please contact your doctor or local mental health service. Simply Google “mental health help”.

Matrescence and Bipolar – one mother’s experience. By Katie Rickson

Matrescence and Bipolar – one mother’s experience. By Katie Rickson

Bipolar and Matrescence - one mother's experience. By Katie Rickson

MY BIPOLAR, WHICH FOR THE MOST PART HAD LAID DORMANT FOR THE SIX YEARS PRIOR, ERUPTED AFTER THE BIRTH OF MY DAUGHTER.

Before I go on, I wasn’t officially diagnosed with bipolar before my daughter arrived. We thought it was major depression and I had no words to describe my mania (…a frigging relief from depression? Me being a party animal?). One psychiatrist brought it up, but I didn’t have any understanding of bipolar, so I shut him down with, “No, it’s not that.”

Within weeks of my daughter’s arrival, I had horrible waking dreams, night terrors that I had left her in my bed and fallen asleep, and she got suffocated or forever lost in the duvet. They were so vivid and one of the most distressing things I’ve experienced.

Then I sensed, not quite heard, but sensed, this violent masculine voice almost without fail, at her 3am feed: “Why don’t you bang her head against the wall?” I would never bang her head against the wall. Or do anything this voice told me to do. If it popped up during the day and I was with someone else, I would tell them I’m sorry, but I can’t be with my baby right now, please can you help while I calm myself.

Then panic attacks. Then the thought that I had psychic powers.

I WAS SLEEP-DEPRIVED. DESPERATE FOR SLEEP. THEN WITH THE NIGHT OF TERRORS I WAS SCARED TO FALL ASLEEP. NEXT I DIDN’T NEED MUCH SLEEP AT ALL.

I was awake, cleaning the kitchen, catching up on laundry at 3am. Sending emails to my boss about amazing fundraising opportunities and long rambling messages to my family and friends. Trying to do some copywriting work in the dead of night. In short, everything but what I should be doing – sleeping.

WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE THE LANGUAGE FOR AN EXPERIENCE, YOU CAN EITHER SHRUG IT OFF AND THINK THAT IT IS NORMAL, OR YOU CAN AMPLIFY IT UNTIL IT BECOMES ISOLATING AND SCARY.

My brain and body were experiencing two seismic shifts: psychosis and matrescence. Each on their own are massive. Going through both at the same time threatened to destroy me.

WHAT IS PSYCHOSIS?

From: mothersmatter.nz: “The most severe form of postpartum depression (PPD) is known as postpartum psychosis. This occurs in one to two out of every 1,000 pregnancies. Postpartum psychosis is commonly seen in women with bipolar disorder; however, research has shown that many women are misdiagnosed with postpartum major depressive disorder due to the absence of a manic or hypomanic episode at the time of diagnosis. Some affected women may experience a break in reality that causes them to have delusions or unusual thoughts that they believe to be accurate. Additionally, they may report hallucinations, irritability, hyperactivity, decreased need for or inability to sleep, paranoia, rapid mood swings, or difficulty with communication.”

WHAT IS MATRESCENCE?

Matrescence is the “physical, emotional, hormonal and social transition to becoming a mother.” It’s not something that’s talked about much in general discourse.
Dr Jen from Tough Mothers
is doing all she can to change that.

PART OF WHAT MADE ME SICK WAS THE EXPECTATIONS I PLACED ON MYSELF, AND HOW HEAVY THEY WERE.

I “should” exclusively breastfeed my baby until six months; I “should” be able to have lots of visitors and get the rest I need. I “should” return to my pre-baby weight, my pre-baby lifestyle, my pre-baby work as soon as possible. I “should” know how to keep a tidy home and not argue with my husband. I “should” know the difference between what’s normal for me and what’s a symptom of something.

We give adolescents a fair amount of grace when they go through the transition from young person to adult. Why aren’t we the same with ourselves when we become a new mum or with other new mums?

“ADOLESCENCE IS A GRADUAL PROCESS –

it isn’t instant in the way motherhood can be divided into pre-baby and post-baby life. But we need to be forgiving of ourselves, and to acknowledge that it might take time to adjust to all the shifts and challenges happening at once. Your body, your brain chemistry and your identity are all changing.”

“IF YOU CUT OUT THE MAJORITY OF ACTIVITIES THAT WERE ESSENTIAL

to your routine before having a baby, you may feel disconnected from your identity.”

Both quotes are from: Can weaning your baby cause maternal depression? by Alexandra Frost published by todaysparent.com

UNDERSTANDING MATRESCENCE WOULD BE HELPFUL WHEN YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT STARTING A FAMILY AND AGAIN WHEN YOU FALL PREGNANT.

At the time, I thought antenatal classes were helpful, even inspiring at times, but as I reflect on them now, it was just surface-level stuff. The focus was on the baby and the external or physical things. The birth – which is a big deal, but one moment in time. Like before you get married you might focus all your energy on the wedding day and not what it’s like to actually be married. What that does to your identity.

The external, physical things – how to put on a nappy, how to read baby’s cues, how to drink cold coffee – can all be picked up. What’s much harder is the identity shift, the loss, the grief of the life you once had. You’re grateful, of course you’re grateful if it’s planned, you have the privilege of being a mum, but you’re going to compare your new life to the life you once lived, the freedom and impulsivity you once enjoyed.

NOBODY CAN GO THROUGH MATRESCENCE FOR YOU.

It’s a journey you have to go on. It’s like the story We’re going on a bear hunt. Only the bear is a cooing, crying, cluster feeding, glorious smelling human. You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it. You have to go through it.

My introduction to matrescence was muddied when I experienced postpartum bipolar and a full-blown psychotic episode.

WHERE DID THE MANIA END AND MATRESCENCE BEGIN?

I remember fantasising about going for long car rides by myself or checking into a hotel for a couple of nights. I wanted the impulsivity back. I wanted my freedom back. This made me feel yuck about myself and ashamed – further adding to my postnatal distress.

The thing about matrescence – and any experience with mental distress – is it’s so important to have a label, a framework, a context to hang your experiences onto. I wish I was introduced to matrescence during antenatal classes, or during my interactions with psychiatrists and the maternal mental health team. I wish we discussed it at coffee groups instead of who needed the least amount of pain relief during birth (not me, by the way).

But we hardly have the language for it. How can we talk about a thing when we don’t realise it’s even a thing?

How can you practice mindfulness or meditation or cognitive behavioural therapy when you don’t have a reference for these changes?

I THINK BIPOLAR ONLY GOES SO FAR IN EXPLAINING MY CHANGED THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIOUR. MATRESCENCE WAS STILL HAPPENING WHETHER I HAD A WORD FOR IT OR NOT.

A few months later, after being hospitalised and diagnosed, I slowly began to feel more myself. Whatever that is after matrescence. I started reading Dear Mummy, you’re important too by Tui Fleming. The exercises on self-awareness and self-care and finding your identity – during the sleepless nights, disturbing thoughts, and unending nappy changes – were so nourishing to me at that time.

Once you’re in the mental health system, you get access to new support around motherhood and planning your family. When we were ready to think about trying for another baby, we got to have pre-conception counselling.

During pre-conception counselling, we talked about medication, the risk factors and the concern that bipolar is genetic, so there is a chance of it being knitted into your child’s genes. My deepest concerns were the impact of the medication on a foetus and then the breastfed baby. It’s not without its risks. But it’s also dangerous for your growing baby if you stop taking medication and become unwell again. It’s a delicate balance.

Also, pregnancy and the postpartum period are some of the biggest risk factors for setting off a bipolar episode – either a deep depression or an uncontrollable high. Or both. We wanted to grow our family, but the idea came with its anxieties.

MATRESCENCE NEEDS TO BECOME A COMMON WORD, A GO-TO WORD IN OUR VOCABULARY.

I hope that when I write matrescence on my updated version of Word that it’s recognised and not underlined by a red squiggle.

Whatever the make-up of families, I hope that fathers and other caregivers understand matrescence too, so that they know how to best support mothers. I hope that matrescence is talked about in antenatal classes, maternal mental health support groups and coffee groups.

Just as we give grace to adolescents as they go through their seismic shifts, so should we extend grace and understanding to ourselves and other mothers as we transform – emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually.

And when I’m being kind to the mum I was, I remind myself that I just wanted to be mothered. I wanted to be held and listen to lullabies and live in a safe, gentle cocoon. I did listen to a lot of lullabies with my daughter in the first three years of her life – as much for my benefit as for hers. Lullabies are a gentle antidote to the mean voice in your head telling you you’re a piece of crap and you don’t deserve to be here.

I found myself turning to lullabies in languages I don’t understand. Most had a kind of melancholy sewn through the melody which I appreciated. For me, matrescence and melancholy are first cousins.

Matrescence is a nod to the past and a mirror, forcing you to reflect on how you were mothered and how you want to mother. It forces you to stop neglecting your inner child and think about how you speak to yourself. How you self-soothe. Or self-harm. How you sit with your emotions and your fears and your darkest thoughts.

SOME PEOPLE LOOK LIKE THEY GLIDE THROUGH MATRESCENCE. YOU KNOW THE ONES. THEY LOOK NATURAL AND INSTINCTIVE AND RESPONSIVE. THEY LOOK SERENE AND BEAUTIFUL AND UNSCATHED.

I thought I was doing well. I thought my mania was sheer, unadulterated happiness. It was a relief as I expected to be depressed.

I thought I was a natural. Maybe it was adrenalin. We were experiencing a lot of stress.

Writing this is painful. That’s another reason why I want to have another baby. I want to try and have a more serene start to motherhood.

Although matrescence is not a common word, it’s still loaded.

I surrounded myself with so many ideologies and so much pressure at a time when I was feeling rubbed raw and vulnerable. Thinking about it now, I do that a lot. It’s a form of self-sabotage – stockpiling on different people’s opinions, drowning my own intuition out with the voice and advice from experts.

Everything becomes polarising and stripped of nuance.

Cloth nappies or destroy the environment.

Breastfeed or open your baby to infection.

Take your medication or drink green smoothies and eat activated almonds.

I DON’T THINK MATRESCENCE CONVENIENTLY STOPS AFTER THE FOURTH TRIMESTER (THE THREE MONTHS AFTER BUBS IS BORN).

We become new versions of mums when our child first goes to kindy, and then school, college and leaving home. Each milestone demands a new way of being. New decisions to make. New identities to try on.

When my daughter went to school, I felt quite overwhelmed by the invitations we received to participate. The events and the paper slips. The fundraisers and the parent’s mornings. I talked to my counsellor about this. With each experience, she said, you navigate the new choices you face.

Participating at school as a parent, like most things, exists on a spectrum. At one end there’s little to no engagement – and I mean no judgment here, some parents can’t afford to participate, especially during school hours. To the other extreme, there’s the parent who’s on every board, attends every PTA meeting, sets up and runs fundraisers, you name it.

I need to ask myself where do I fit? Somewhere in the middle, I think.

So matrescence isn’t a one-time experience. A set and forget. I’m going to keep going through it. I’m grateful that I now know that there is a word for it. Like my bipolar diagnosis five years ago, I can now reframe what I went through (and what I’ll probably go through again at some stage) and how I behaved and forgive myself for where I fell short. I did my best. I continue to do my best

I WONDER WHAT IT’S GOING TO BE LIKE WHEN WE FIRST TELL OUR DAUGHTER ABOUT MY BIPOLAR CONDITION.

For now, I’m parking it and doing my best to focus on the mother I was made to be – imperfect but whole, trusting my intuition but letting some expert voices in, leaning on other people’s support while being myself.

And trying my darndest to forgive myself when I screw up. Because I will, and that’s okay.

 
Written by Katie Rickson from Compassion Poetry and reproduced with permission
Katie Rickson is a mother, writer and creator of Compassion Poetry. Compassion Poetry is Katie’s way of exploring the pain, hope and healing of life’s challenges on the page. Through her poetry and essays, she shares her insights on mental unwellness, motherhood, miscarriage and marriage, and any other topics that capture her pen.

You can find Katie and more of her amazing work at www.CompassionPoetry.co.nz and https://www.instagram.com/compassion.poetry/

You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support, friendship and information in our FREE private Tough Mothers Village. We would love to have you there.

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Thank you!

Mental Health Support

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you need support, please contact your doctor or local mental health service. Simply Google “mental health help”.

Episode #17: How to Find Your Light in Motherhood with Life Coach Dasha Okonji

Episode #17: How to Find Your Light in Motherhood with Life Coach Dasha Okonji

For information, tips and support in your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram

“The [motherhood] shift was nothing like I thought of, dreamed of or prepared myself for”

Dasha Okonji is a mum of 3 gorgeous boys and a life coach. Like many mums, during matrescence* Dasha felt she lost herself in motherhood. She went on a journey to rediscover herself, find herself again and find the light in motherhood.

It was through her struggles in motherhood that Dasha turned to her life coaching tools and knowledge to pave her way out of the overwhelm and darkness that motherhood brought her.

In this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV, Dasha shares with us her powerful story and explicit steps of how she found her way, and how you can too. From getting to know ourselves again properly as we navigate through matrescence, to seeing what is important and how we can give more time to the things that are important to us, without sacrificing ourselves.

*Matrescence is the developmental transition women go through when we become mothers. It is all encompassing – physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. Matrescence transforms us, that is why we feel different when we become mothers.
Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:
♥    Motherhood can be so different to what you expect – you must prepare yourself for all aspects of matrescence.

♥    Make it a priority to find yourself new self in motherhood

♥    Learn to shift your mindset in motherhood to thrive

♥    Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube

In this episode you will learn [podcast, TV]:

[3.30, 3.00]
It is so important to prepare yourself for becoming a mother. Not just preparation for labour and childbirth but preparing yourself for motherhood as well.

“The challenges I didn’t expect in motherhood threw me off for a good 9 months”

Check out my book I Wish Someone Had Told Me…to find out the things 1000 mums want you to know as you prepare yourself for labour, childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood.

[5.10, 4.40]
Motherhood is a big shift for most women. Dasha had never heard of motherhood being like she experienced it. She felt overwhelmed and says she was always thinking this is not right; this is not me.

“This is really not motherhood as I pictured it”.

[9.00, 8.30]
Every mother worries about their baby, and whether she is doing a good job. Motherhood guilt is very real, but you mustn’t let it rule you.

“My main worry was: I can’t be a good mum for him”

[11.40, 11.10]
The importance of catching yourself before you fall into the dark hole of motherhood – Dasha talks us through her steps of catching herself, and leading herself out of the darkness. She gives us step-by-step strategies starting with The Wheel of Life – check it out HERE.
Dasha says: it’s like a reality check.

[17.30, 17.00]
In motherhood you have to find out who you are and what it is you need to do for you. We are all so different in motherhood (learn more about this and how it affects you, from a presentation I did early 2021). You need to find what it is that is affecting YOU in motherhood and apply the tools to your personal circumstances.

“What about me now. What do I want and what do I need? I am a mother, but I am also still me”

[20.05, 21.35]
Taking control of your matrescence life and nurturing yourself is incredibly empowering – Dasha talks us through how you can make your motherhood life be what you want it to be, rather than letting life happen to you.

“I had to redefine who I was a mum. And who I want to be as a mum”.

[23.02, 22.32]
The mental load of motherhood is extreme – Hear Dasha’s expert tips on how to take some load off your mind, and how to care for yourself in the process.

[33.10), 32.40]
Don’t just focus on labour, delivery, decorating the nursey and choosing baby names. The hard work starts after labour. Not just with our children but we need to work on ourselves as mothers.

“Doing courses and asking for advice is not about expecting bad things to happen during motherhood. It is about equipping ourselves for the job of motherhood and the person we are as mom”

Mentions in this episode:

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) help mothers understand how motherhood changes their brain
2) how to strengthen their brain by training it to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to thrive in motherhood

A little more about my guest Dasha Okonji:

Dasha is a Mum of three very active boys under 4 years of age. She is a work-from-home Mum and runs a Life Coaching practice. Her passion is to see people live in fulfilment. Dasha turned this passion into her profession, leaving a successful career in Management Consulting to see others enjoy the lives they want. Since becoming a Mum, Dasha has developed a programme called Mum-on-a-Mission which aims to help women truly be Mums they have dreamed of. Dasha uses a range of coaching tools in areas such as confidence, patience and calm; finding balance for work, family and self-care; achieving more without added pressure; and even improving connection with your partner.

If this interests you, check out Dasha’s website www.dashaokonji.com where you can get a Daily Purposeful Planner which helps busy Mums plan their days in a way that keeps them connected to their Life Vision.

HERE is a video about the Purposeful Daily Planner and how you can get access to it.

Dasha has also kindly given us access to:

A short video on self compassion and grace

An article identifying priorities

An article on managing your to-do list

Who is one person that would benefit from the information in this episode?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

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Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Episode #16: The Power of Positive Births with Alana Swain

Episode #16: The Power of Positive Births with Alana Swain

For information, tips and support in your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram

“Motherhood ripped me apart and put me together with light”.

Alana Swain contacted me a couple of months ago and said: “I really want to share my birth stories with you. I had two incredibly empowering births, and I feel that people don’t talk about birth being a positive experience.”

I was so pleased for her email, because Alana is right! We don’t talk about positive birth experiences enough. Maybe this is in part due to the fact that most women don’t have positive birth experiences. Or also, as Alana mentions, because people think a positive birth is something to be ashamed of. Whatever it is, I believe that we need to share ALL the experiences. So, today I am honoured to share Alana’s story of her two births with you.

Alana’s conversation with me is so timely, as the amazing documentary Birth Time has just been released. If you get a chance, please watch it. Let’s all work together to give every woman an empowered birth experience. Not only because she deserves it, but because childbirth is the gateway into matrescence. And what better way to start our journey into motherhood than by feeling truly empowered.

In this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV, Alana reveals how she prepared herself mentally for childbirth and how hypnobirthing played a big part in her birth experiences. She also tells us about how her motherhood struggle transformed her, and we delve into how every mother needs to consciously prepare herself for matrescence.

Matrescence is the developmental transition women go through when we become mothers.
It is all encompassing – physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual.
Matrescence transforms us, that is why we feel different when we become mothers.

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:

♥    Every woman must have the opportunity to have an empowered birth. This will set mothers up better to thrive in motherhood.

♥    We actively must prepare ourselves for the transition into motherhood.

♥    Give your preparation for postpartum at least as much time and energy as your preparation for birth.

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube

In this episode you will learn [podcast, TV]:

[4.48, 4.18]
If you can get your brain out of the way your body knows what to do. Do you agree?

“Preparing yourself for anything to happen is important in childbirth”.

Check out my book I Wish Someone Had Told Me… to find out the things 1000 mums want you to know before you have your baby. More info below in Mentions in This Episode.

[7.06, 6.36]
The importance of mindset when giving birth – Alana talks us through her series of positive mindset exercises she used to train her brain and mind to be ready for a positive birth.

“At the end of the day the baby will be delivered. So that should be your primary plan to get the baby out safely, while caring for yourself at the same time.”

[11.32, 11.02]
Should I have a doula at my homebirth? – Know your boundaries and be clear with your caregiver what situations will lead to what outcome. For example, what situation will lead to a trip to the hospital.

“Having a home birth was the most empowering experience of my life!”

[22.59, 22.29]
Transitioning into motherhood is a time of great change – matrescence transforms women. Alana shares how becoming a mum of two came with challenges and resulted in “the 2 baby wobbles”.

“I don’t think we grieve the pre-mum us enough”

[28.58, 28.28]
There is so much information and talk leading up to the birth of our baby, but we really need to talk about motherhood more, and the transition that comes with it. Alana shares her tips for managing the matrescence transition.

“Childbirth is a blip in our lives compared to motherhood. Let’s talk more about motherhood.”

[36.00, 35.30]
The importance of finding your people/ your tribe / your village. Not just the ones going through it with you, but the ones that have already been through it.

“We need to talk about all of postpartum, not just postpartum depression.”

Mentions in this episode:

♥    I Wish Someone Had Told Me… – unspoken truths about what really happens to women during labour childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood.
Get your FREE E-book with the top 7 truths from the book HERE

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) help mothers understand how motherhood changes their brain
2) how to strengthen their brain by training it to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to thrive in motherhood

Alana’s business Me-Moir was inspired by Alana’s grandmother who created beautiful photo albums for each of her nine grandchildren. Me-moir creates gorgeous albums where you can clip in photos at any stage – even later in case you missed anything! This system was designed to remove mum guilt and get photos off devices into a top-quality album that will last for years. It is an heirloom piece you can add to, so it grows with your kids.

You can find out more about Alana’s amazing albums at www.me-moir.com or on Facebook, or Instagram

Alana offers a free Facebook group for photo-keen mums which you are welcome to join HERE.

Who is one person that would benefit from the information in this episode?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

Check out the Tough Mothers Library for more episodes

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN!

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

Leave a review for the podcast or on my YouTube channel, and you can win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support in our private Facebook village. We would love to have you there.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?
Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Episode #15: The 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum – every mother sits on it, but did you know you can change your location?

Episode #15: The 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum – every mother sits on it, but did you know you can change your location?

“Taking the time to train your brain to thrive in motherhood, is the most important self-care”

Download your FREE E-Book How to be a Happy Mother

For information, tips and support in your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram

This episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV is about as action-packed as motherhood.
It was such a pleasure to speak with Dr. Melissa Raymond from Your Journey to Healing in February 2021 for the Healthy Mums Health Families Summit.

We covered so much in our conversation!
From my journey into and out of postnatal anxiety, to the need to stop giving all of ourselves to motherhood, to the 50 Shades of Motherhood and how you can thrive amongst them all. There is even a FREE motherhood meditation in there that takes just a few minutes but will start you on your journey to training your brain to thrive in motherhood.

All mothers will benefit from this episode, because it:

♥    Teaches you about matrescence, the transition into motherhood – how it changes mothers’ brains and how you can use this transformation to truly thrive in motherhood.

   Explains the 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum – a spectrum ALL mothers sit on – and teaches you strategies for how you can manoeuvre your way around the shades to initiate your happiness in motherhood.

   Gives you strategies to start training your own brain to truly thrive in motherhood. There is also a FREE E-Book for you to download to start the brain training (see mentions in this episode).

   Gives you a mother moment time-out: a powerful, yet brief motherhood meditation that will positively affect your brain and mind.

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.
Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube.
Key takeaways from this episode [podcast, TV]:

[5.22, 4.52]
Is it true that the more of yourself you give, the better a mother you are?

“It’s easy to lose yourself in motherhood, but it is at your detriment.”

[6.27, 5.57]
Learn what matrescence is and why you must prepare yourself for the transition into motherhood before you become a mother.

“We are mothering in a completely different world – the village mums had is largely non-existent now.”

[11.40, 11.10]
Mama, are you aware of your thoughts?
How my negative thoughts created my negative motherhood experience. And how your negative thoughts can ruin your experience too.

“Don’t believe everything you tell yourself!”

[17.36, 17.06]
Learn about the 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum that all mums sit on. What is it, where do you sit on it, and why you must know how to get from one end of the spectrum to the other. The visual spectrum is attached in the mentions in this episode below. Check it out and in the comments below let me know where you sit.

[23.20, 21.50]
Matrescence is the perfect time to work on creating the brain you want, so you can create the motherhood life you want. Learn how to do that in this episode.

“Don’t feel that just because motherhood is currently hard, that it will always be hard – you CAN train your brain to thrive and be happy!”

*Matrescence is the developmental transition women go through when we become mothers. It is all encompassing – physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. Matrescence transforms us. We need to learn about it, so we can be prepared, feel we are not alone and learn tools for how to use this transition to thrive.

[26.00, 25.30]
Imagine if you trained your brain like you train your body.
Mental health needs to be treated equally to physical health, including the exercises we do. The effects the exercises have is exactly the same – the brain is like a muscle!

“For some reason somewhere along the line we separated the brain and the body, but they are very much connected.”

[28.40, 28.10]
Enjoy your FREE motherhood meditation – it only takes a couple of minutes and has powerful results.

“The brain doesn’t know what is real and what is not. Learn how to use this to your advantage and thrive.”

[35.25, 31.55]
It’s important to not lose ourselves in motherhood.
You can give yourself, but not all of yourself all of the time. Motherhood is a great time to learn to love your new self and your new life. Make sure you make yourself a priority in motherhood.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”- Carl Jung

Download your FREE E-Book How to be a Happy Mother
Mentions in this episode:

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) help mothers understand how motherhood changes their brain
2) how to strengthen their brain by training it to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to thrive in motherhood

♥   Buy your copy of the paperback and Kindle/electronic version of I Wish Someone Had Told Me – unspoken truths about what really happens to women during labour, childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood by Dr Jennifer Hacker Pearson PhD

♥   The 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum – for more information about it and to work with Dr Jen click here

Who is one person that would benefit from the information in this episode?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

Check out the Tough Mothers Library for more episodes

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN!

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

Leave a review for the podcast or on my YouTube channel, and you can win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support in our private Facebook village. We would love to have you there.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?
Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.