When birth goes off the rails – “I Wish Someone Had Told Me…”

When birth goes off the rails – “I Wish Someone Had Told Me…”

When childbirth goes off the rails: "I wish someone had told me..."

“My baby would have died. We both would have died”

Yay, 2020 is almost done!

Pat yourself on the back. Go on, please do it!
We have achieved an incredible task – parenting through a pandemic. Not that it is all over, but I think we need to celebrate what we have achieved so far. Which is nothing short of amazing! ❤️

Personally, it has been one of the most challenging years of motherhood. And at the same time, one of the most rewarding. My kids and I pushed each other’s buttons, yet connected on a newer, deeper level. Like with all people, when you go through something as lifechanging as a pandemic together, your relationship is changed forever.

What a year!

The end of this year also marks my 10-year anniversary of being a mum.
Today 10 years ago my eldest baby made his spectacular entry into the world (that’s him in the header picture. Just a couple of hours old). And it really was spectacular in every sense of the word. We were not prepared for anything that happened during his “unconventional” birth.

In honour of all the amazing mums who have shared their journeys and experiences on The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV this year, I would like to share with you his birth story in this episode  The unconventional, unexpected, unheard-of birth that started my journey to write I Wish Someone Had Told Me – unspoken truths about what really happens to women during labour, childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood.
Because “I Wish Someone Had Told Me…” were literally the first words I uttered after my big boy was born – I’m talking 4.2kg big!

But first a little gift for you

WANT TO KNOW THE TOP 7 THINGS FROM THE BOOK MUMS WISH THEY KNEW BEFORE HAVING THEIR BABY?

To hear the full episode, simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

When your mind is not your own – one mother bravely shares her experience with postpartum psychosis

MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU

Apply coupon code PODCAST at checkout to receive 20% OFF your signed copy of I Wish Someone Had Told Me…

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

  • ✓ Childbirth does not always go the way you plan
  • ✓  Trust your yourself – you know what your body and your baby need
  • ✓  Be flexible with your birth plan; do what is best for you and your baby.
  • ✓  You are not alone! Many mums utter the words I Wish Someone Had Told Me… during childbirth and motherhood

I hope you have the most amazing holiday period with your loved ones. I wish you much peace, good health and calm.

Please remember, you are braver than you think, you are more resilient than you know, and you are tougher than you believe.

See you in 2021.

Love,

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it!

Many mums come here to find support, and your experience could help them.

Who is one person that would benefit from hearing this episode?
 

Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article. 

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all your motherhood support at our FREE online village.

Mentions In This Episode

Learn more about the Tough Mothers courses to prepare yourself for motherhood HERE

Purchase I Wish Someone Had Told Me – unspoken truths about what really happens to women during labour, childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood today and get 20% off.
Simply enter PODCAST in the coupon code at checkout.

 

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?

Episode #10: Finding Your Voice In Motherhood

Episode #10: Finding Your Voice In Motherhood

When your mind is not your own – one mother bravely shares her experience with postpartum psychosis

“I thought my children wouldn’t change my life very much…”

When Kate Ryan, a successful business woman, became pregnant for the first time, she thought once her twins were born her life wouldn’t change very much. Kate is the first to admit, this is definitely not the case.

In this episode, Kate tells us about her surprise of learning she was having twins, how bringing her babies home changed her life, and how becoming a mother changed her.

Kate very beautifully shares her experience of transitioning into motherhood (a transition all mothers can relate to) and how through her challenges she found her voice as a mum and a woman.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

  • ✓ You are not alone if you feel you don’t know what you are doing in motherhood.
  • ✓  The importance of trust in yourself and others.
  • ✓  Simple, actionable steps to help with overwhelm during the transition into motherhood.
  • ✓  About your own rebirth when you have a baby.
  • ✓  Advice for new twin mums and mums expecting twins.

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

When your mind is not your own – one mother bravely shares her experience with postpartum psychosis
The important take-aways from this episode are:
  • Nobody knows what they are doing when they first have a baby. It can be challenging. But there are ways that you can prepare yourself. It is important to make preparing yourself a priority. This includes learning how to speak up for yourself and your baby Podcast [12.15], TV [11.45]

The Tough Mothers courses specialise in preparing women for motherhood.

  • Thinking what it will be like having your baby at home and actually having baby at home, are two different things. And that is OK. While women often feel that they don’t know anything about babies and motherhood, nothing could be further from the truth Podcast [13.00], TV [12.30]

“All we need to know is inside ourselves, we just haven’t tapped into it yet”

  • The transition to becoming a mother is huge! You can get overwhelmed by the enormity of it. You will ask yourself: how can I do this? But you will do it. Podcast [16.35], TV [16.05]

In today’s episode you will learn simple, actionable steps to handle the overwhelm of bringing your baby home.
These can also be used throughout motherhood.

“Inch by inch, life’s a cinch; yard, by yard, life’s too hard – John Bytheway”

  • There is a common downfall amongst mothers, that Kate experienced too. Thinking: I am the only person that can care for my baby Podcast [18.13], TV [17.43]

Learn why this is a dangerous mindset, how you can break this thinking, and what you will gain when you let others help care for your baby.

  • When you have a baby, you are instantly different. You become a different person, your priorities change, everything changes Podcast [21.00], TV [20.30]

“I realize that having children can change your life – and that’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing!”

Matrescence – the transition from woman to mother – is one of the most life-changing transitions a woman will ever go through. We are changed – physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

  • When a baby is born, a mother is born– “it’s me, but it’s a new me” Podcast [21.00], TV [20.30]

“Having a baby is really like a rebirth!”

  • The two main things Kate would do, and prioritise, if she had her newborn time again Podcast [25.15], TV [24.45].

“Trust your intuition, trust the people around you, and trust yourself to advocate for yourself and your children, because they can’t advocate for themselves.”

  • Kate’s tips for new twin mums or women expecting twins Podcast [35.00], TV [34.30]

“My children helped me find my voice” 

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

How could these potentially change your motherhood experience and life?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it! Many mums come here to find support, and your experience or story may help one of them.

Who is one person that would benefit from watching this episode? – Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article 😉

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

And YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all the motherhood support at our village.

Mentions In This Episode

  • Learn more about the Tough Mothers courses to prepare yourself for motherhood HERE


About our guest:

Kate Ryan is a family photographer based in the Waikato in New Zealand. She loves to celebrate the joy, connection and “right now” moments of family life. As well as stopping time for a moment in beautiful family photos, she also helps parents tell the story of their family through their own everyday photos, and shows them how to create a living heirloom for their families, build on their family connection and use this process to be present and mindful in the moments that matter. Kate’s signature course, Memory Vault, will show you how.

Check it out at www.ryansdaughterphotography.co.nz or find Kate on Facebook and Instagram

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?

Episode #9: When your mind is not your own – One mother bravely shares her experience with Postpartum Psychosis

Episode #9: When your mind is not your own – One mother bravely shares her experience with Postpartum Psychosis

When your mind is not your own – one mother bravely shares her experience with postpartum psychosis

“I felt that my daughter wasn’t actually my daughter”

Right off the bat, I want to let you know that the conversation in this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV is different.

On this program we talk about many topics that are taboo, but postpartum/ postnatal psychosis is something we really don’t talk about.

Today Liz, a mum of boy-girl twins, and GP, is going to change that.

Liz very bravely shares with us her experience with postpartum psychosis after her children were born. She delves deep into how it felt and looked for her and why she had to manage her two years of psychosis alone.

I feel incredibly privileged to bring you this conversation. Not only because it is very personal for Liz, but because it gives us a first-hand insight into the mental health struggles mothers can experience, and so often don’t talk about.

I hope we can all take from Liz’s story the reminder that we must look out for ourselves and each other during motherhood. Always.

Please keep asking mothers if they are ok – some mums’ struggles are so internal that we have no idea what is going on inside them.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will:

  • ✓ Learn about postpartum/ postnatal psychosis and how it can manifest.
  • ✓  Be intimately privy to Liz’s thoughts and feelings during this time.
  • ✓  Discover how to support yourself if you are experiencing postpartum mental health concerns.
  • ✓  Understand how to ask for help, and help others.

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

When your mind is not your own – one mother bravely shares her experience with postpartum psychosis
The important take-aways from this episode are:
  • Just because you wanted to a baby doesn’t mean you MUST love being pregnant, or enjoy it Podcast [10.20], TV [9.50]

There is no right way to be or feel during pregnancy. It is what it is for you, and you feel how you feel. And that is OK.

“It is ok to speak up about how you feel in pregnancy, even if it is not what society wants you to say”

  • Ensure you find professionals during pregnancy and motherhood that have your best interests at heart, and truly hear you and your needs Podcast [6.56], TV [6.26]

If the professional you are seeing does not resonate with you, or has different values or beliefs, PLEASE find someone new.

“She said: It was my own fault I had postnatal depression”

  • Mental health is as important (if not more important!) as physical health Podcast [13.13], TV [12.43]
  • Liz felt a slight onset of postpartum psychosis almost as soon as she brought her children home Podcast [18.10], TV [17.40]

“I still loved my daughter… I had very mixed feelings in me”

Psychosis is defined as losing touch with reality.

Postpartum psychosis is: a severe mental illness. It usually starts within the first 2-4 weeks after having a baby. Symptoms vary, and can change. They can include high mood, depression, confusion, irritability, decreased need for sleep, hallucinations and delusions. There are very effective treatments available.

Postpartum psychosis is not: a mother who has become crazy or “psycho”. Or is running around the streets wielding a knife, or any other such nonsense.

  • You don’t have to be in the grips of psychosis to have thoughts about harming your baby Podcast [23.10], TV [22.40]

Many mothers can relate to fleeting thoughts about doing something that will just “stop the noise”, but would never act on it.

  • Sometimes pharmaceutical medication is the first thing you need to get you on a path to wellness Podcast [24.30], TV [24.00

There is incredible stigma associated with pharmaceutical medications in motherhood. However, in situations like Liz’s, and other severe cases, finding a suitable medication is an excellent first step. If the mother is OK with it.

“Suddenly everything changed. It was like a magic pill”

  • The importance of speaking up and sharing your thoughts and feelings with family, friends or professionals Podcast [27.25], TV [26.55]

Speaking up is a major part in supporting yourself through your motherhood journey, and also to allow others to support you.

“I really wish I had told someone about it years ago”

  • Liz shares her advice for mothers who may be struggling with abnormal thinking or feelings they don’t want to share with anyone Podcast [31.50], TV [31.20]

Liz tells us how she brings up the topic in her practice with mothers who are struggling. And how this is a way anyone can bring up a topic with mothers too.

liz-harding-holding-baby

  • Liz reveals her silver linings of going through her difficult time Podcast [34.40], TV [34.10]

Hint: there are many!

  • We must start motherhood conversations. We must be the first to say how we truly feel Podcast [37.59], TV [37.29]

We must squash the taboo around mental health in motherhood.

“We are afraid that our thoughts and feelings will label us as a bad mother”

If you have concerns about your mental health, or are just not feeling yourself, please speak up.
Please please please!

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

How could these potentially change your motherhood experience and life?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it! Many mums come here to find support, and your experience or story may help one of them.

Who is one person that would benefit from watching this episode? – Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article 😉

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

And YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all the motherhood support at our village.

Mentions In This Episode

For neuropsychological support to thrive in motherhood check out Dr Jen’s personalised courses.

Liz is a keen and very accomplished long-distance runner. Our conversation started on a long training run and I am so honoured Liz shared her story with me, and now with you.

Starting conversations about our journeys in, and through, motherhood are of utmost importance to squash the motherhood taboos, and support each other.
Thank you, Liz!

 

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?

Episode #6: The struggles and triumphs of pregnancy and motherhood in a foreign country

Episode #6: The struggles and triumphs of pregnancy and motherhood in a foreign country

Photo of Rebecca Anderson

“I didn’t realise what I was leaving behind”

Lydia Nicholson had all the support a mother could ask for when she had her first baby. Although her birth was traumatic – as first births so often are – she was surrounded by family, friends and a tight and incredibly supportive mothers group. She felt held, understood and supported.

When she was six months pregnant with her second baby Lydia, her husband and their 15 month-old moved to Paris, France, for her husband’s work. Ooh là là!
Sounds glamorous, doesn’t it?

It wasn’t.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV Lydia shares with us the challenges of giving birth and raising children in a foreign, non-English speaking, country. How her experience shaped her and changed her, and how she used her isolation and loneliness to go inwards to get to know herself and find what she needed, and how this allowed her to grow as a woman and mother.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

  • ✓ The importance of resourcefulness – what to create for yourself if you are having/raising your baby away from your support network
  • ✓  Tips on how to combat sadness and loneliness in a foreign country
  • ✓  How to look for the silver lining in every cloud
  • ✓  The importance of meeting your own needs as a mother

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

The struggles and triumphs of pregnancy and motherhood in a foreign country
The important take-aways from this episode are:

“It was really hard”

  • It is important to recognise our gifts in the present  Podcast [9.37], TV [9.07]
  • When you are pregnant and arrive in another country, you are not in their computer system. So, there are no notices that prompt you in regard to your pregnancy. It will always be in their language, and things are done differently Podcast [17.32], TV [17.02]

“That was the tipping point for me. I said: that’s it I’m going home”

  • Having a baby in another country is very different to having your baby at home – different health system, no family or support network, little to no knowledge of the language, no mothers group – the loneliness in comparison to having your baby at home is immense. Podcast [21.10], TV [20.40]

“I remember sitting at my dining room table breast-feeding my baby and having a woman over who was teaching me French at the same time”

  • Lydia’s advice for the early days: You must become resourceful when resources don’t come to you. Re-create what you desire, or what you left behind. Podcast [22.12], TV [21.42]
  • Become really observant. This leads to mindfulness and living in the present which allows you to tap into what you need, and can lift your mood. Podcast [23.10], TV [22.40]
  • Don’t underestimate the power of nature and getting into nature. Podcast [26.02], TV [25.32]

Studies have shown that time in nature can reduce depression1 and anxiety2, and can increase general wellbeing and self-esteem3 (References 1,2 and 3 below in Mentions in This Episode)

  • • You must actively go out there and find your people, your tribe, that can support and hold you as you go through matrescence. Podcast [27.31], TV [27.01]

Matrescence – the transition from woman to mother – is one of the most life-changing transitions a woman will ever go through.
We are changed – physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

  • Lydia’s tips for women who feel motherhood is challenging, and they are not coping, especially if they are abroad.   Podcast [30.13], TV [29.43]

“Give yourself the credit that whatever it is you are doing, is coping”

  • Put yourself first – never apologise for having your own needs. It is through our needs being met, and our cups being filled, that we become better mothers to our children. Podcast [33.42], TV [33.12]

“Ask yourself: what do I need right now?”

  • It wasn’t all bad! There is a positive in everything, you just have to look for it. Podcast [34.49], TV [34.19]

“Growth, strength and determination comes out of situations like this”

  • Listen to your heart, not your head (or the chatter of other people). Follow your intuition and be kind to yourself. Podcast [40.31], TV [40.01]

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

How could these potentially change your motherhood experience and life?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it! Many mums come here to find support, and your experience or story may help one of them.

Who is one person that would benefit from watching this episode? – Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article 😉

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

And YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all the motherhood support at our village.

Mentions In This Episode

1. Berman, M.G. et al. (2012) Interacting with nature improves cognition and affect for individuals with depression. J Affect Disord 140(3):300-5.

2. Mackay, G.J & Neill, J.T. (2010) The effect of “green exercise” on state anxiety and the role of exercise duration, intensity, and greenness: A quasi-experimental study. Psychol Sport Exerc 11(3):238-45.

3. Barton, J., Griffin, M. & Pretty, J. (2012) Exercise-, nature- and socially interactive-based initiatives improve mood and self-esteem in the clinical population. Perspect Public Health 132(2):89-96

Credit to oxygen mask image: https://havingitaltblog.wordpress.com/2015/06/09/201569attach-your-own-oxygen-mask-first/

lydia nicholson

You can make an appointment with Lydia Nicholson for therapy at her clinic: https://www.TherapySpace.co.nz/LydiaNicholson
Or find her on social media: https://www.facebook.com/LydiaNicholsonTherapy
.

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?

Episode #5: Life after losing your baby

Episode #5: Life after losing your baby

Photo of Rebecca Anderson

“After time, grief is a part of your life, but it is not your entire life anymore”

“You are going to lose your baby.”

What happens when your worst fear in pregnancy comes true?

In this very deep and personal interview Kara Peel, mum of three, talks about the tragic loss of her first baby, Lucy.

Lucy was born at 20 weeks.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV, Kara delves into her grief of Lucy’s death. She very courageously speaks about everything from how she felt leaving the hospital, to the all-consuming grief she experienced, to how she personally grew out of the trauma of losing her only daughter.

As baby loss, including miscarriage, is so common, I would like to advise that this episode may be triggering for some viewers and listeners. Kara really wanted to share her true journey with you as she is an advocate for talking about baby loss, the grief it brings, and the awareness we need to help raise to better support parents who have lost their child.

This is a must listen/view episode if you have experienced baby loss or love someone who has been through it, or is currently experiencing it.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

  • ✓  About the grief of losing a baby
  • ✓  The taboos and societal expectations that exist around this type of grief
  • ✓  What you can do to support yourself through your grief – learn Kara’s best model and strategies
  • ✓  What everyone needs to know about supporting a grieving parent

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

The important take-aways from this episode are:

  • When you lose a baby, no matter at what term, the grief of loss is all-consuming. Yet, even though it may seem impossible at the time, it can lead to tremendous personal growth Podcast [4.02], TV [3.32]

“When I left the hospital I remember how empty I felt. I had particularly empty arms because I had no baby to take with me.”

  • The 5 Stages of Grief are real and you may feel them all. However, grief is not linear.
    When you lose a baby, the grief you experience is your experience. There is no “right” way to feel, or order you must feel your grief in. Let it feel for you how it feels for you 
    Podcast [6.19], TV [5.49]

    The 5 Stages of Grief are a cycle that can include:

    – Denial and isolation
    – Anger
    – Bargaining
    – Depression
    – Acceptance

    Adapted from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ book On Death and Dying (full reference below in Mentions in This Episode)

  • Kara found a model “growing around grief” which resonated with her during her transition through her grief. She explains in detail: how it helped her, why it is so important, and how it could help others  Podcast [6.45], TV [6.15]

“I’d sit in the park and feel the sun, and it reminded me I was alive.”

  • Society has certain expectations of how you should handle your loss, and they are often not real.
    Find out Kara’s way to create your own expectations around your loss 
    Podcast [10.17], TV [9.47]
  • “I was a mother but people didn’t acknowledge me as being a mother.” Podcast [10.28], TV [9.58]

People are afraid to speak to mums about their loss. Maybe it’s because they don’t want to hurt them or because they don’t know what to say. However, it is important to recognising the mother, her baby and the trauma she has gone through. Kara has some amazing tips on what to say to a mother who has lost her baby.

“I craved for her name to be said – that acknowledgement that she existed.”

Mothers who have lost their baby may not have their baby in her amrs, yet they still go through matrescence, as well as coping with their loss and grief.

Matrescence – the transition from woman to mother – is one of the most life-changing transitions a woman will ever go through.
We are changed – physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

  • We need to talk about grief surrounding the loss of a child much more in society. It is real, and it is common. We need to raise awareness and normalise baby loss. Grieving parents need to be supported properly Podcast [14.03], TV [13.33]
  • Learn the 5 little words you should say to any grieving parent Podcast [17.34], TV [17.04]

Listen to how you can support someone in their grieving, especially if you feel uncomfortable or don’t know what to say.

  • Kara’s best strategy she used during her grieving process Podcast [20.09], TV [19.39]

Find out what worked for her and what didn’t.

“Slowly I started to get a bit of a sense of self back.”

  • Grief can lead to personal growth Podcast [34.01], TV [33.31]

Baby loss grief is a different journey for everyone. Don’t let anyone tell you what you need; you need to feel what it is you need. In your own time you will gain strength and courage from your trauma and suffering. Eventually your life will grow back.

“It lead me down different paths in my life I would previously not have been brave enough to try”

  • It’s never too late to learn from, and address your baby loss trauma Podcast [37.29], TV [36.59]

You will know when you are ready. You CAN get through to the other side.

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

How could these potentially change your motherhood experience and life?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it! Many mums come here to find support, and your experience or story may help one of them.

Who is one person that would benefit from watching this episode? – Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article 😉

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

And YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all the motherhood support at our village.

Mentions In This Episode

The model of Growing Around Grief

The 5 Stages of Grief by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying

An explanation of this model can be found HERE

Kara used her courage and artistic genius to start her own business upcycling old furniture to make it new again.

Kara is incredible! Please check out her work.

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

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Episode #4: Why you must know what matrescence is

Episode #4: Why you must know what matrescence is

Exercise 5 - Talk

I felt a shift in myself both times after I had my first two babies. It was like I was going through some sort of transition and transformation – both of which I was desperately trying to resist.

I liked myself, I liked my life, I didn’t want to change. I just wanted to be the old me, but with a baby (or two).

I carried on mothering, but I was not content. I was a little lost, and a little confused about what had happened to me. But I carried on – because I am a mother and that’s what we do.

You can’t outrun the motherhood transition.
My third baby, however, pulled the rug out from under me. Well, not literally of course, because obviously she was a baby! But when she came along, the changes in me where profound. Again, I tried to resist them, but this time I couldn’t stick my head in the sand.

The developmental transition was too great!

So, I ended up in a long battle with probably postnatal anxiety / postpartum anxiety (I say “probably” because I was never officially diagnosed). Until I realised, try as you might, you can’t outrun the transition and transformation of motherhood.

And that transition has a name: Matrescence

 

Every woman goes through the transition of matrescence when she becomes a mother.

Including Laura, who sent me this question for Q&A Wednesday:

I had my baby 6 months ago. She’s gorgeous and I love her. Motherhood is tough but she makes it worthwhile. I knew that things change when you have a baby, but I didn’t realise how much I would change. I’m not depressed, I just find myself missing my old life, not so much one without my baby, but I miss the old me. I feel embarrassed to talk about it because I really do love my daughter very much, and I don’t want people to think I am ungrateful. I just want the internal feeling of  pre-baby me back.

– Laura

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

  • What is matrescence? Podcast [2.42], TV [2.12]

Matrescence is a word that not many people have heard of, but every parent must know. Because every mother goes through matrescence. 

Matrescence is the transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother – physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, spiritually…

  • What happens during matrescence – why do we not know about matrescence? Podcast [3.30], TV [3.00]

We don’t know about matrescence until it happens to us, because we don’t talk about it.

But we must. We must talk about it, especially to all pregnant women.

 

We are changed after having a baby – women are literally transformed after childbirth.

  • Is it normal to wonder what is going on with you after you’ve had a baby? Podcast [3.42], TV [3.12]Laura is not alone in feeling lost in motherhood. It is common to feel you have lost your identity.

    We ask ourselves who am I?

    Where did I go?

    Is this it?

  • Why we must focus on the mother after childbirth Podcast [5.18], TV [4.48]

The transition of matrescence is so phenomenal. Yet, after childbirth the focus shifts from the woman to the baby. Right when the mother needs the most support…

When a baby is born, so is a mother!

  • Find yourself in matrescence – How to use matrescence as a catalyst to create an amazing motherhood life for yourself

    We must be prepared for this personal transformation. We must create a plan, specific to us, for matrescence. Just like we do a birth plan. Because like birth, the postnatal period is a time of tremendous change.

I would love to hear from you

What insights did you have when you watched this episode?

How could these potentially change your motherhood experience and life?

Leave a comment below and tell us about it! Many mums come here to find support, and your experience or story may help one of them.

Who is one person that would benefit from watching this episode? – Share it with them through the icons at the top of this article 😉

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

And YOU CAN WIN!

Leave a review for the podcast  or on my YouTube channel, as I draw a random reviewer each month to win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

 

What is Q&A Wednesday

I love that I get a lot of questions from mums  and dads through email or on social media. Not only because I love answering them, but also because I love to support you and know what it is you would like to know.

In my experience a question that is asked by one mum is usually also a query by another mum. Which is why I created Q&A Wednesday – to share the answers (and you remain anonymous).

If you have any questions please comment below, or EMAIL ME.

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Get all the motherhood support at our village.

Links mentioned in the episode

Our wonderful Tough Mothers Facebook group
https://www.facebook.com/TheMotherMentor

Dana Raphael – The Tender Gift : Breastfeeding
https://www.amazon.com/Tender-Gift-Breastfeeding-Dana-Raphael/dp/B004X3VEE6

Tough Mothers courses
https://www.ToughMothers.com/courses

 

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie

In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.