Episode #23: Motherhood fears and how to overcome them – with Belinda Hughes

Episode #23: Motherhood fears and how to overcome them – with Belinda Hughes

Motherhood fears and how to overcome them – with Belinda Hughes

For information, tips and support on your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram  or join our FREE Tough Mothers Village

“Acknowledging our fears around mothering and motherhood is empowering and courageous.”

This episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV is deep!
I speak with mum of two, Belinda Hughes, about the fears we feel around our children and parenting, and how we deal with these. And you can too.
Motherhood is an opportunity to really get to know ourselves, and our children are our greatest teachers. Belinda shares how she transitioned from a fear-based space to a loving ground, and how mothers can manage their own fears, and not project them onto their children.

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:
♥    Many of the fears mothers face come from our wounded inner child.

♥    Fear is a natural part of mothering and motherhood.

♥    It is important to feel the fear, but we should not attach ourselves to it.

♥    Learning to surrender to your fears and feelings is an important part of motherhood.
      P.S. Surrender does not mean give in, surrender means let go.

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.
Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube
Motherhood fears and how to overcome them – with Belinda Hughes
In this episode you will learn [Podcast, TV timestamps]:

[6.54, 5.24] How not to let fear hold you and your child back.

“Trust [your] child, trust his capabilities and his awareness… I can’t put my fears onto my child.”

[8.20, 7.50] The importance of taking a step back from the fear.

“Every part of you as a mother wants to hang on, look after them and make sure they’re okay, but that is one of the worst things you can do for their development.”

[9.43, 9.13] Become aware of your fears, and learn how to manage them.

“Managing fear within ourselves is hard and very important.”

[12.08, 11.38] Dealing with your fears helps to heal your inner child.

“Is that my fear to own or is that being projected onto me?”

[13.02, 12.32] How to overpower your fears by recognising the source.

“Become conscious of the unconscious.”

[15.00, 14.30] How to make decisions from a place of love rather than fear.

“I ask myself: what would love do in this situation?”

MENTIONS, MORE INFO and SUPPORT
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR MIND Claim your FREE MORNING MAMA MEDITATION A simple 5-minute guided meditation I created to help you will set your day up for calm, joy and fulfilment.

YOU CAN THRIVE IN MOTHERHOOD TOUGH MOTHERS COURSES can help. We implement a three-step framework to:
1) Help you understand how matrescence and motherhood change you, your brain and your mind
2) Explain the importance of mental space in motherhood
3) Teach simple, specific exercises you can easily modify to your unique self, and fit into your busy day, to create more mental space to permanently thrive, feel more fulfilled and be a truly happy mother.

WHO IS ONE PERSON THAT NEEDS TO HEAR THIS EPISODE?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

Check out the Tough Mothers Library for more episodes
You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support, friendship and information in our FREE private Tough Mothers Village. We would love to have you there.

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN!

Be sure to follow/subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV . Leave a review for the podcast or on my YouTube channel, and you can WIN an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

Mental Health Support

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you need support, please contact your doctor or local mental health service. Simply Google “mental health help”.

Episode #22: Sleep deprivation and your mind in motherhood – with Jacqui Joe

Episode #22: Sleep deprivation and your mind in motherhood – with Jacqui Joe

Sleep deprivation and your mind in motherhood - with Jacqui Joe

For information, tips and support in your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram  or join our FREE Tough Mothers Village

“When a mother starts a conversation, that opens up the floodgate for other mothers to speak.”

How do you deal with sleep deprivation as a mother?
Are you open to having a conversation about the hardships of motherhood and sleep?

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV, I speak with my friend Jacqui Joe, who had two non-sleeping boys, and knows all too well the effects of severe sleep deprivation. Jacqui very openly discusses her internal thoughts and mental health during this time, how she felt she should be doing better as a mother and why it is so important to have a conversation and ask for help, even if that seems hard.

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:
♥    Take care of yourself FIRST so you can take care of others.

♥    Having the perfect motherhood journey is a MYTH. It is not your job to fulfill society’s standards of you.

♥    Becoming a mother can shake you to your core and may not be what you expected nor planned. Learning to accept that you are having a difficult time and that your struggles are valid are the first steps to recovery.

Hear the full episode.
Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.
Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube
Sleep deprivation and your mind in motherhood - with Jacqui Joe
In this episode you will learn [Timepoints for Podcast, TV]:
[5.15, 5.45] When your baby is born, you are born as a mother.

“Motherhood can rock you to your core and you end up being a different person.”

[9.54, 9.24] Don’t take every single piece of advice you are given. Put yourself first, Mama!

“Our kids are the most important thing but after us.”

[16.23, 15.53] The importance of being authentic despite fear of failure, or worrying you’re a bad mum. No mother has it all together!

“Saying ‘I don’t have this sorted’ or ‘I’m not doing so good’ is a really hard thing to say.”

[20.27, 19.57] Sometimes asking for help as a mum is knowing what you’re asking for.

“As a mum, you often don’t sleep because you worry for your child. You need to ask for help and take the help.”

[23.39, 23.09] There’s so much expectation to being a mum. But the truth is all mums are struggling.

“Most of the time, the negative voices inside your head lie to you. Ignore them. Be discerning.”

MENTIONS, MORE INFO and SUPPORT
YOU DON’T HAVE TO STRUGGLE, MAMA!
Learn how you can thrive in motherhood and be a happy mother.
TOUGH MOTHERS COURSES can help.

We implement a three-step framework to:

1) Help you understand how matrescence and motherhood change you
2) Explain the importance of mental space in motherhood
3) Teach simple, specific exercises you can easily modify to your unique self, and fit into your busy day, to create more mental space to permanently thrive, feel more fulfilled and be a truly happy mother.

LEARN TO CALM YOUR MIND – FREE
Claim your FREE MORNING MAMA MEDITATION
A simple 5-minute guided meditation I created to help you will set your day up for calm, joy and fulfilment.

 

WANT TO FEEL HAPPIER IN MOTHERHOOD?
Download your FREE HOW TO BE A HAPPY MOTHER – STARTER GUIDE and receive 3 simple exercises you can do TODAY to train your brain to start feeling permanently happier.

WHO IS ONE PERSON THAT NEEDS TO HEAR THIS EPISODE?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

Check out the Tough Mothers Library for more episodes
You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support, friendship and information in our FREE private Tough Mothers Village.

We would love to have you there.

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN!

Be sure to follow/subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV .

Leave a review for the podcast or on my YouTube channel, and you can WIN an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

Mental Health Support

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you need support, please contact your doctor or local mental health service. Simply Google “mental health help”.

Episode #20: When becoming a mother doesn’t go to plan with Amelia Davatzis

Episode #20: When becoming a mother doesn’t go to plan with Amelia Davatzis

For information, tips and support in your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram

“Alexander lived for 39 days… to make a choice between life and death is something no mother should ever have to make.”

 

Trigger warning: This episode talks about miscarriage and infant death.

 

Imagine the feeling of giving birth to your baby after several miscarriages. The joy, the elation. The anxiety of ‘will everything be ok’ finally slipping away.
Only for your baby to become critically ill in the hours and days following his birth, and eventually dying in your arms.

This was Amelia Davatzis’ experience. Her son Alexander was born with duodenal atresia – a condition where the first part of the bowel does not develop properly. It is usually repaired quickly and easily, but for Alexander this was not the case.

In this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV Amelia bravely shares her story of conception, miscarriages and her first-born’s very short life and tragic death.

I am so grateful Amelia has shared her experience, even though it is very sad for her, and hard for us to hear. But we need to talk about everything in motherhood. Even the tough stuff. ESPECIALLY the tough stuff. We cannot sweep devastation in motherhood under the rug.

As you will hear, infant death is something people don’t know how to deal with, which is exactly why we need to talk about it.

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:

♥    Infant death and miscarriage are real, and we need to talk about them openly.

♥    The more we talk about baby death and miscarriage, the more normalized the conversations will become and the better we can support the mother.

♥    There is no right way to grieve. Do what works for you, and take your time.

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube

In this episode you will learn [Podcast, TV  time points]:

[4.20, 3.50]

The signs and symptoms of ectopic pregnancy you must know, and how it can affect you.

[7.50, 7.20]

It is common to experiencing challenges when trying to conceive. Amelia shares her story.

“That was a blow. Your hopes and everything [are shattered].”

[11.00, 10.30]

Falling pregnant after miscarriage. Learn the common, and very normal, fears a mother has.

“Will there be a heartbeat, or won’t there? I wouldn’t let myself get too excited.”

[15.00, 14.30]

Amelia’s first birth experience: from induction to childbirth and what happened next to Baby Alexander.

“He said: this baby is so sick. He needs to be transferred to the Children’s Hospital right now”

[37.35, 37.05]

The Davatzis’ had to make the devastating decision to choose Alexander’s quality of life over having him in their lives.
Amelia shares the beautiful, yet heart-breaking final days she had with Alexander.

“I would always choose for him not to suffer.”

 

 

[48.10, 47.40]

Alexander’s death left Amelia numb. Losing a child can make you feel like you are not a mother.

“I felt I had no purpose. I only ever wanted to be a mother. It’s something I dreamed of my entire life”

[56.08, 55.38]

You have permission to grieve in your own way. Grief is different for everyone. Amelia shares how she dealt with her grief and what might help you.

“Just do whatever it is you need to do to get through [your grief].”

[60.00, 59.30]

After losing a child it might feel like you will never be able to be happy again. You will be happy again. You will experience joy again.

Amelia will be on the podcast again in 2022 to speak about motherhood after Alexander’s death, and how she found joy again.

“Motherhood is magical.
It grants you the power to fall in love with someone before ever meeting them”

Mentions in this episode:

♥ A bit about Amelia’s very successful blog and Instagram page A Glimpse of Amelia.
I started this page to share a glimpse into my life, sharing what I love. 2012 is where it all began, as when I fell pregnant, I seriously started questioning what I was using on my skin. I thought I was making good decisions by choosing organic products from the supermarket, but it wasn’t until I started turning products over and trying to decipher labels that a whole new world opened up to me. They were so hard to decipher, and I had to keep researching what each ingredient meant. It was so time consuming! This is when I started to discover marketing and labelling was so greenwashed. Reading labels was the only way to truly know what was in a product. What really bothers me the most, are products marketed for our babies and children containing harmful ingredients and also everyday cleaning products we use around our home that are incredibly toxic. I want to empower people to start reading labels, start asking questions, don’t take anything for face value and don’t believe everything you see on the front of a product.

I didn’t feel my page would fully represent me without the ability to share my journey of losing Alexander. I share snippets, quotes, poems, and his story in an effort to help anyone not feel so alone in their grief journey.

Amelia’s page encompasses all of this. “Along with my desire to leave the planet in a better way than when I found it. Buying organic, supporting biodynamic practices, Australian owned and made, composting, reducing plastic, buying bulk, making my own products, keeping a healthy low tox home and passing this information onto my children so one day they can feel empowered to make healthier choices in their lifetime.

To further empower people and support them in their choices, Amelia is working on her new website:
A Glimpse of Amelia www.agoa.com.au
Bookmark it now!

If you need support in your motherhood journey, please check out our Tough Mothers courses which implement a three-step framework to:

1) Help mothers understand how matrescence and motherhood changes them and their brain.
2) Explain to women that they can train their brain to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific, individualised exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to be a happy mother.

Who is one person that would benefit from the information in this episode?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

Check out the Tough Mothers Library for more episodes

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN!

Be sure to follow/subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV .

Leave a review for the podcast or on my YouTube channel, and you can WIN an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support, friendship and information in our FREE private Tough Mothers Village. We would love to have you there.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?
Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Episode #19: The importance of sharing your truth in motherhood with Gemma Douglas

Episode #19: The importance of sharing your truth in motherhood with Gemma Douglas

For information, tips and support in your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram

“Our sharing creates an invitation for other mothers to share their story. And that creates empowerment”

Gemma Douglas is a breathwork and meditation practitioner, and an amazing mum of three, who is not afraid to share her truth about motherhood. Her beautiful way of sharing this truth, and inviting other mums to do the same, was the catalyst for her highly successful online movement The Motherhood Project (TMP) – a New Zealand-based online support community for mothers. At the time of this podcast episode, TMP boasts 150,000 followers on social media, but this number will undoubtedly grow because TMP is fantastic!

Through TMP and her own motherhood journey, Gemma knows all too well the importance of sharing, connection and supporting ourselves and each other in motherhood.

In this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV we sat down together to talk about Gemma’s journey into matrescence*, why sharing our truth in motherhood is so important, how The Motherhood Project came about, and how we can all support ourselves and each other through this rollercoaster motherhood ride.

*Matrescence is the developmental transition women go through when we become mothers. It is physical, psychological, emotional, social and spiritual. Motherhood transforms us!

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:

♥    Your motherhood story matters. Please share it!

♥    Mothers are powerful and resilient

♥    Competitiveness does not belong in motherhood

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube

In this episode you will learn [Podcast, TV  time points]:

[2.30, 2.00]

Gemma shares her journey into motherhood, how she found raising her children in a new town, and how it helped her grow as a woman.

“I’m still trying to get my head around motherhood [7 years later]”.

[5.40, 5.10]

The experience Gemma had of having a newborn baby with whooping cough (pertussis), and how the recovery was not linear.

“We just had to move into survival mode; I don’t think I realised the depth of the fight or flight mode I was in ”

[7.35, 7.05]

It’s important to learn how mothers deal with their challenging situations. We can all learn from others’ experiences. Gemma found a real strength within herself through mindfulness and meditation.

[8.00, 7.30]

It was through her own journey and realising mothers need a place to share their stories and recognise their own and each other’s resilience that The Motherhood Project was formed (more on TMP and where to find them in Mentions in this Episode, below).

“Everybody has their journey and their story. If we open up to each other, we allow other people to do the same.”

[11.30, 11.00]

There’s a lot of power in sharing our story and hearing other people’s stories. However, we need to be really careful not to take on other people’s stories as our own, and especially to not let them frighten us.

“Our sharing creates an invitation for other mothers to share their story.”

[15.25, 14.55]

Let’s scrap competitiveness in motherhood.

[19.00, 18.30]

How to encourage mothers to share if they feel too shy face-to-face.

“We feel ourselves holding back [because we worry about how our story will be received.]”

Mentions in this episode:

♥    The Motherhood Project is an empowering online support system for mothers, which is passionate about helping women find more joy, calm and community in the beautiful challenges of motherhood. Check out TMP HERE

♥   Follow them on Facebook or Instagram

♥   Gemma is kindly giving us FREE access to her fabulous Yoda Nidra meditation. Download it HERE now.

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) Help mothers understand how matrescence and motherhood changes them and their brain
2) Explain to women that they can train their brain to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific, individualised exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to be a happy mother.

♥   I Wish Someone Had Told Me… – unspoken truths about what really happens to women during labour childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood.
Get your FREE E-book with the top 7 truths from I Wish Someone Had Told Me… HERE

 

A little more about my guest Gemma Douglas:

Gemma is a certified Breathwork and Meditation Practitioner, NLP Practitioner, and has a diploma in both teaching and coaching. She is also a mother of three with qualifications as a Reiki Practitioner, and a music degree from Otago University. Gemma’s passions have led her down many paths, including playing for the successful Southern Sting netball team, in the pursuit of growth, meaning, and fulfilment.

After Gemma’s third child was born, she created The Motherhood Project as a way of bringing all the mothers she knew in her life together. She could see there was a need for mutual support and connection, and the community grew to empower mothers in New Zealand, and then around the world with a community across social media channels over 150k.

Gemma has recently launched The Conscious Project a ‘sister’ to The Motherhood Project.  The Conscious Project was born out of a deep desire to make these achievable self-care techniques available to all mothers, giving them back their power.

Want to learn more about breathwork?

Check out Gemma’s The Conscious Project and work with Gemma.

Who is one person that would benefit from the information in this episode?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

Check out the Tough Mothers Library for more episodes

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN!

Be sure to follow/subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV .

Leave a review for the podcast or on my YouTube channel, and you can WIN an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support, friendship and information in our FREE private Tough Mothers Village. We would love to have you there.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?
Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Episode #18: A mother’s guide to decluttering your mind and your home with Clutter Mentalist Collette Barker

Episode #18: A mother’s guide to decluttering your mind and your home with Clutter Mentalist Collette Barker

For information, tips and support in your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram

“People before things. Always”

Collette Barker is the Clutter Mentalist! Isn’t that a great title?

Well, Collette is a great human! Not only does she have a unique gift to declutter your home and your mind, she also has four gorgeous girls, was a Plunket nurse (New Zealand’s early childhood health centre), and is ridiculously funny. I mean laugh-out-loud funny.

Having grown up in a cluttered home Collette embarked on a mission to help herself and other mothers overcome home clutter, one useful and easy step at a time. Resulting in not just a decluttered home but also a decluttered mind.

In this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV Collette shares with us hilarious stories from her motherhood life, and how her home changed from having no babies through to her fourth baby. She generously walks us through her amazing, useful and simple decluttering tips, which we can all implement today to declutter our home and our mind.

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:

♥    Don’t ever compare your home or your mothering to anybody else

♥    Don’t undervalue motherhood as a job

♥    Clutter in the home need not be clutter in the mind

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube

In this episode you will learn [Podcast, TV  time points]:

[5.35 5.15]

Don’t ever compare your house to others! This goes for your parenting and your home. If your amount of clutter works for you, fabulous. It doesn’t matter what people think. However, if your clutter doesn’t work for you, you absolutely can change it. Collette gives us some great tips how to get rid of clutter.

“One person’s clutter is another person’s tidy”

[8.00, 7.30]

With each baby your mothering will change. Collette shares with us her hilarious confessions of how she mothered baby number 1 versus number 4, and how her home changed with each child #DomesticGoddess

“The next baby taught me that everything I knew was in fact wrong”.

[14.15, 13.45]

Let’s chat co-sleeping! Many mothers dream that they are rolling onto or smothering their baby. We talk through these and the many safety things you need to consider when sleeping with your baby, in your bed.

“I was certain that as soon as I fell asleep next to my babies they would die”

[19.55, 19.25]

It’s important to remember that looking after children is just as much a job as any other job.
(How cute is this photo pf Collette’s girls?)

“If you can walk out of the house with it being a mess but are looking after your child’s needs, you have aced your job.”

 

[22.30, 22.00]

If mess in your house is driving you crazy Collette has these tips to support your mental health. Collette’s strategy focuses on psychology and what works for each individual home.

[26.58, 26.28]

When it comes to managing your home, your children and your clutter, it is important to work with your weaknesses. Do what works for you. Don’t make it difficult. Motherhood is hard enough. Collette has some great examples of how to do this.

“You have to work with your habits, not create whole new ones.”

Mentions in this episode:

♥    Because Mum Life gets busy and many noteworthy things happen, Collette has created an amazing little book that you can add all your experiences, incidences and funny things your kids say and do to. Just so you don’t forget them 😊 Contact Collette HERE if you would like to know more.

♥   I Wish Someone Had Told Me… – unspoken truths about what really happens to women during labour childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood.
Get your FREE E-book with the top 7 truths from the book HERE

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) help mothers understand how motherhood changes their brain
2) how to strengthen their brain by training it to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to thrive in motherhood

A little more about my guest Collette Barker:

Youngest of 7 and mother of 4, Collette is a clutter mentalist and productivity freak. She grew up in a home FILLED with loads of stuff, and she’s no minimalist herself. A busy mum juggling family, community, work and all the normal things (and occasionally nailing it). She figures out the underlying determinants unique to each family’s cluttered home. Then together they rearrange the spaces to make the right habits easy to keep. Removing the power from ‘the stuff’ and giving it back to the people, so they never again have a moment’s [completely unfounded and totally ridiculous] guilt about what they own and how they keep it. 

 Book Collette Now or learn more about her decluttering business, Supreme Organising, HERE .

Who is one person that would benefit from the information in this episode?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

Check out the Tough Mothers Library for more episodes

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW and WIN!

Be sure to subscribe to The Tough Mothers Podcast or Tough Mothers TV .

Leave a review for the podcast or on my YouTube channel, and you can win an amazing Tough Mothers gift.

You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support in our private Facebook village. We would love to have you there.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?
Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Episode #17: How to Find Your Light in Motherhood with Life Coach Dasha Okonji

Episode #17: How to Find Your Light in Motherhood with Life Coach Dasha Okonji

For information, tips and support in your journey into and through motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram

“The [motherhood] shift was nothing like I thought of, dreamed of or prepared myself for”

Dasha Okonji is a mum of 3 gorgeous boys and a life coach. Like many mums, during matrescence* Dasha felt she lost herself in motherhood. She went on a journey to rediscover herself, find herself again and find the light in motherhood.

It was through her struggles in motherhood that Dasha turned to her life coaching tools and knowledge to pave her way out of the overwhelm and darkness that motherhood brought her.

In this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV, Dasha shares with us her powerful story and explicit steps of how she found her way, and how you can too. From getting to know ourselves again properly as we navigate through matrescence, to seeing what is important and how we can give more time to the things that are important to us, without sacrificing ourselves.

*Matrescence is the developmental transition women go through when we become mothers. It is all encompassing – physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. Matrescence transforms us, that is why we feel different when we become mothers.
Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:
♥    Motherhood can be so different to what you expect – you must prepare yourself for all aspects of matrescence.

♥    Make it a priority to find yourself new self in motherhood

♥    Learn to shift your mindset in motherhood to thrive

♥    Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube

In this episode you will learn [podcast, TV]:

[3.30, 3.00]
It is so important to prepare yourself for becoming a mother. Not just preparation for labour and childbirth but preparing yourself for motherhood as well.

“The challenges I didn’t expect in motherhood threw me off for a good 9 months”

Check out my book I Wish Someone Had Told Me…to find out the things 1000 mums want you to know as you prepare yourself for labour, childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood.

[5.10, 4.40]
Motherhood is a big shift for most women. Dasha had never heard of motherhood being like she experienced it. She felt overwhelmed and says she was always thinking this is not right; this is not me.

“This is really not motherhood as I pictured it”.

[9.00, 8.30]
Every mother worries about their baby, and whether she is doing a good job. Motherhood guilt is very real, but you mustn’t let it rule you.

“My main worry was: I can’t be a good mum for him”

[11.40, 11.10]
The importance of catching yourself before you fall into the dark hole of motherhood – Dasha talks us through her steps of catching herself, and leading herself out of the darkness. She gives us step-by-step strategies starting with The Wheel of Life – check it out HERE.
Dasha says: it’s like a reality check.

[17.30, 17.00]
In motherhood you have to find out who you are and what it is you need to do for you. We are all so different in motherhood (learn more about this and how it affects you, from a presentation I did early 2021). You need to find what it is that is affecting YOU in motherhood and apply the tools to your personal circumstances.

“What about me now. What do I want and what do I need? I am a mother, but I am also still me”

[20.05, 21.35]
Taking control of your matrescence life and nurturing yourself is incredibly empowering – Dasha talks us through how you can make your motherhood life be what you want it to be, rather than letting life happen to you.

“I had to redefine who I was a mum. And who I want to be as a mum”.

[23.02, 22.32]
The mental load of motherhood is extreme – Hear Dasha’s expert tips on how to take some load off your mind, and how to care for yourself in the process.

[33.10), 32.40]
Don’t just focus on labour, delivery, decorating the nursey and choosing baby names. The hard work starts after labour. Not just with our children but we need to work on ourselves as mothers.

“Doing courses and asking for advice is not about expecting bad things to happen during motherhood. It is about equipping ourselves for the job of motherhood and the person we are as mom”

Mentions in this episode:

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) help mothers understand how motherhood changes their brain
2) how to strengthen their brain by training it to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to thrive in motherhood

A little more about my guest Dasha Okonji:

Dasha is a Mum of three very active boys under 4 years of age. She is a work-from-home Mum and runs a Life Coaching practice. Her passion is to see people live in fulfilment. Dasha turned this passion into her profession, leaving a successful career in Management Consulting to see others enjoy the lives they want. Since becoming a Mum, Dasha has developed a programme called Mum-on-a-Mission which aims to help women truly be Mums they have dreamed of. Dasha uses a range of coaching tools in areas such as confidence, patience and calm; finding balance for work, family and self-care; achieving more without added pressure; and even improving connection with your partner.

If this interests you, check out Dasha’s website www.dashaokonji.com where you can get a Daily Purposeful Planner which helps busy Mums plan their days in a way that keeps them connected to their Life Vision.

HERE is a video about the Purposeful Daily Planner and how you can get access to it.

Dasha has also kindly given us access to:

A short video on self compassion and grace

An article identifying priorities

An article on managing your to-do list

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Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.